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December 23rd, 2010

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11:03 pm - awesome mom.
So I've pretty much decided that I'm an awesome mom. I suck at financial decisions, have a crap job that is getting me nowhere, and hate to clean my house, but I'm a damn good mom. Not only do I rock, but I seriously have the coolest kids ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know every parent says that, but my words hold nothing but truth. Really.

It's so hard to believe that Madison will be six and Elliott will be five. Time flies by so fast, that some days I really need to slow it down. I know the day will come when my babies won't need me anymore, and I'm dreading that day. I want to hold onto these moments where they do rely on me, just a little bit longer. I'm not sure how I'll be when they're grown and I'm kid free.

I'm not good at being alone. I never have been. I don't think I ever will be. Sure, no one really likes to be alone, it's not human nature to enjoy it, but I just don't dislike it; I hate it. Being alone is hard for me. When I'm alone, my mind wanders. I become someone else. I'm Edward Scissorhands. I'm Holden Caulfield. I'm Joel Barish (Eternal Sunshine...). I'm all of those characters wrapped up into one. I'm terrified of dying alone, yet I'm terrified of living alone. It's a Catch-22. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, and am dreading the day when it's time to face life by myself...

Nevertheless, I'm still an awesome mom. Despite all my mental flaws, one thing that I have complete control over is my rocking parenting skills to Madison and Elliott. That one thing alone will never change.

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