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December 14th, 2010

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07:36 pm - Six down...
It's hard to believe that this year marks six years since the fire. You would think after that many years, I still wouldn't be so paranoid, but I am. I cant help it. That was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. It was harder then going through my parents' divorce, harder then childbirth, and harder then loosing a loved one.

I never realized that something that seems so simple as fire, could be such a life-changing event. I read about fires all the time, but until I actually survived one, didn't realize the impact that it could hold over a person. The terror that a person goes through, or the tremendous loss that follows.

There's no doubt in my mind if it hadn't been for the fire walls between the two buildings, i would have died. I could hear the building popping and saw windows that were only two feet from my own exploding across Broadway Street. It was terrifying.

Mike and I lost everything from that fire. I am so thankful that the one thing that made it through the fire, the most beautiful 5 year old girl I have ever seen, did not actually have to experience it. I am so thankful that I did not miscarry with all the stress that weighed upon my shoulders. That alone is the only good thing that happened on that cold December night.

I often think about how my life would be different if I did not experience that night. Would I still live at that amazing apartment? Would we still be sitting on that couch? Would Madison be sleeping in the white canopy bed that could have been hers?

These are questions that will always remain unanswered. They walk hand in hand with questions that I still ask myself: How did I handle that fire alone, while Mike was at work? Why did I make Justin drive by my house a month earlier because I was terrified it was on fire? And just what in the hell were those people doing that caused 8 families to be homeless just 20+ days before Christmas?

I miss how things used to be. Yes it was six years ago, but to me it seems like yesterday. I can still smell the fire, hear it, feel the terror racing through my body. It was an experience that I can only hope I will never have to experience again.

Posted via LjBeetle

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